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Do You Possess This Tool For Success in Relationships?

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a toolbox containing essential tools that are crucial for building healthy relationships that guarantee personal and professional success. One of the principal instruments in the EI toolbox is communication. The ability to utilize communication as a tool requires the development of listening skills. Listening is a skill that everyone believes they possess in building good relationships; however, not everyone has practice in actually using listening skills to build successful relationships.

Those who practice effective listening skills are good listeners who attracts others to themselves because of their ability to win their confidence. These individuals have no problem experiencing success in their academic, personal, professional, or spiritual environments because they set out to hear what others are saying with the intent of understanding them. Their success in relationships is attributed to having the ability to grasp what others expect of them, what is important to others, and knowing what pleases or displeases other individuals. This knowledge causes them to have a high level of emotional intelligence as they decrease their level of self-absorption to develop their commitment and willingness to understand the perspective and feelings of others.

The following are four distinct intentions of good listeners who developed the skill of real listening:

1. Listening to understand – Listen with the intent of gaining insight instead of providing judgment.

2. Listening to enjoy – Listen with the intent of appreciating the unique qualities of the other party as they share who they are with you.

3. Listening to learn – Listen with the intent of learning about the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of the other individual without judgment.

4. Listening to help – Listen with the intent of seeking ways to support

the other party or ways that you can assist them in their time of need.

Engaging in the practice of real listening will benefit you as well. You will have more succesful interactions in your relationships as you build strong relationships based on your demonstration of caring. Demonstrating your desire to understand what the other party is saying demonstrates that you care as you pay attention to the expression of their thoughts, feelings, and opinions without judgment. You will find that you will remain engaged in your conversation with others as you focus on what they are saying with the expectation of enjoying their unique qualities. Having the intent of learning something new from the other individual will stimulate your mind. You will provide depth to your relationship with the other party as you demonstrate a willingness and desire to help the other individual as you engage in a caring and empathetic discussion on ways to support or assist in a situation. The next time you engage in a conversation, try to develop your listening skills by practicing real listening with one of the four intentions described.

For more on communication and developing good relationships, check out ‘Daring You To Be YOU!: Evaluating Relationships.

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