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Do You Know How Taking Responsibility Impacts Your Level of Emotional Intelligence?

"I could have been a college football player but my high school coach kicked me off the team because my grades weren't good and my teachers wouldn't help me out with my grades because they didn't like me."

"I got an Article 15 because my chain of command just needed a scapegoat for their own lack of leadership abilities. They don't know how to lead, so why should I follow?!?!"

"My children's father just does not want to do the right thing by paying child support and I am barely making enough to make ends meet. People keep telling me about my potential but I don't want to hear about that, I just want for my children's father's to do right and pay me what they owe me for taking care of their kids!"

Do you know of someone who always has a reason why they are stuck in misery? Do you know of that one person who blames everyone but themselves for never achieving their goals or developing their gifts, talents, or abilities?

Each of these statements exemplifies people who would rather blame others than to evaluate, control, and perceive how their emotional behavior impacts their life. In spite of their aptitude to do well, academically, personally, or professionally, they did not realize their dreams or live up to their potential because of emotional choices or decisions. These individuals provided excuses for their personal misfortunes instead of taking responsibility for their lives. The determination of a person's ability to take responsibility for their life is contingent upon their self-regulation. Self-regulation is a sub-category of emotional intelligence that helps to determine an individual's emotional maturity. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) involves a person's ability to identify, understand, and manage their emotions in such a way that they are able to enhance their communication, overcome their challenges, empathize with others, and diffuse conflcts that exist in their lives. The individuals from the examples provided, all demonstrate their low emotional maturity.

Many people would like to believe that they possess a high level of emotional intelligene; however, the truth is that although people age with years, many people do not mature in their emotional behavior. Emotional maturity requires for the individual to be able to manage their life through self-regulation. One person may say, "I am very responsible and I know how to handle my business." This individual does not understand that the ability to pay one's bills and to make sure their financial, academic, or professional affairs are in order is only one way of demonstrating the capacity to take responsiblity for their life. An individual may say, "I just can't help myself, I just got to be me and not worry about the outcome, just as long as I get the immediate results of what I want." This is an excuse not to take responsibility for one's actions because of a desire to experience instant gratification in spite of the potential for an adverse outcome.

Self-regulation involves an individual's ability to put aside their impulsive behavior and emotional outbursts to prove a certain measure of self-control. The individual should be able to manage the length of time they choose to experience an emotion. They should also be able the manage the way that they experience their feelings. This means that they will be concious of their ability to adapt to circumstances in their environment or events that occur in their life. They will also have the capacity to follow through with commitments without making excuses.

Conscientiousness is a virtue found in self-regulation that many people claim to have; yet fail to demonstrate in their life. To be conscientious requires for the individual to take responsibility for their decisions, choices, or actions. These individuals will take the initiative to make positive changes through options, decisions, or actions that will enable them to adapt to those circumstances that are outside of their control. To take initiative requires for the person to have a willingness to take advantage of those opportunities that are given in order to put themselves in a more advantageous situation. A person who denies, distorts, or becomes emotionally numb to the impact of their emotional behavior will not be conscientious nor take initiative to make positive change in their life. Their denial and distortion of their portion of responsibility for what occurs in their life will cause them to remain in their predicament; making excuses for their current academic, personal, professional, or spiritual position.

Some people possess a certain level of self-awareness that causes them to know they need to mature in their emotional behavior. They will say, "I know I am a procrastinator." or "I know that I messed up when I didn't do what I was suppose to do in school." These individuals will go down the road of the "Should of, Could of, Would of's" reflecting on their past mistakes instead of focusing on their future and their current decisions. These individuals will believe they are emotionally mature because of their acceptance of their error; however, many of these same people lack the motivation to change that will cause them to work towards improving in their emotional maturity. Some of these individuals may possess the motivation to change; however, they may not know how to go about making the changes that are needed. Whatever the reason for an individual not progressing forward from self-awareness to making positive changes in their current situation, it is possible to develop the self-regulation required to increase their EQ without taking responsibility for their life.

To increase one's EQ, they need to take responsiblity for their life, the person must do more than just acknowledge their past mistakes. They have to stop blaming others for their current situation. These individuals must take responsibility for their actions, choices, and decisions, They will need to realize that they are active participants in the equation of their life. The sum total of their current state of affairs being based on their daily decisions, daily plans, and daily actions. Recognition of the power they possess over their life is important when focusing on what can be done to change what is negative in their current situation. Ultimately, the person must realize that by blaming others, they are essentially surrendering their level of happiness and success to others when it is everyone's personal responsbility to determine their standard of happiness and success.

For more informaiton on this topic and more, check out Daring You to Be YOU! Personal Development Begins From Within


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